Sharp-Dressed Man
by hadaad
There were long stretches during my university career that I didn’t particularly like who I was. I had basis for this in the form of a romantic attachment that I formed that didn’t work out. I’m sure most of the rest was in my head. However, there are two very overt examples that reinforced what I believed. I can look back at one and think about it with a little distance and realize that maybe I talked myself into letting it get me down. I may fully tell you, one day, about the time God beat me out for a girl but now is not that time. No, tonight, I will tell you about the other time that my ego, my machismo, and my self image took a hit. And this time, I tell you, I have evidence to back up my case.
I’d never intended to sign up for a bachelor auction. But there are times when people can talk you into things. If I had it to do over again, I would have stuck to the inside of my shell like I had every other time with the exception of the one time that I got hypnotized. Still, I guess I just let myself get talked into signing up.
I figured that the fact that I was the second one up wasn’t a good sign. Still, I had a little bit of an insurance policy. Shelley, Dylan’s wife, had a friend who would put up a minimal bid for me in the event that no other offers were sent up. Obviously, I would pay her back but in the end it wasn’t necessary. Someone bid on me.
That was nice, even if the bid was for less than the gift certificate that came along with this hunk of masculinity.
Maybe the girl was just interested in charity. Maybe she was angry at her boyfriend. I really don’t know. I do know that she had a boyfriend. Or at least that’s what she told me to beg out of the date. I’m not saying that I’m the height of amusing or even all that great a guy but she didn’t even want the gift certificate. She got out of there fast after making her excuses. I’m guessing that she was kind and trying to get the bidding going and was surprised when it turned out that she was the winner.
In the end, I treated myself to some Chinese food and consoled myself with the fact that at least mine wasn’t the lowest bid in the entire auction. That was the poor sap who went ahead of me in the auction. He went for a paltry ten bucks.